Chapter 77
Elvira
My question hangs in the air like frost.
Cedar doesn’t answer immediately. He just looks at me–no, through me–his expression unreadable as ever. I hate that. I hate that I can’t tell if he’s angry, sad, or completely indifferent. Fucking high–fae. Had he been a werewolf like me, it would have been easy to read him! Why are all fairies so indifferent? Is it from being immortal?
“I asked you a question,” I press.
No answer.
I have to fight back my snarl when I ask, “Whose side are you on?”
Still, nothing.
Is he deaf?!
Then finally, he exhales slowly through his nose and says, “I don’t know anymore.”
Okay…not what I expected to hear, but okay.
I shift my weight, arms crossing over my chest, mostly because I don’t trust myself not to reach for him again. I’m still flushed from the kiss–still warm in places I shouldn’t be. And he looks entirely unaffected.
Cold. Detached.
Probably a fairy thing.
But then, there’s something flickering in his eyes.
Guilt.
Regret.
Longing?
No. That has to be wishful thinking. Cedar is as affectionate as an ice cube.
“If you don’t know whose side you’re on, then why aren’t you attacking me right now?” He knows I saw the orb.
He doesn’t look at me when he answers. “Because I haven’t made my decision yet.”
“You’re waiting for something,” I whisper in realization.
His jaw tightens. “Yes.”
Since I don’t have all the time in the world, I decide to be blunt with my so–called mate. “For what?”
That irritates the shit out of him. He finally turns/and meets my gaze head–you.”
Wait, what?!
Me?
Cedar steps closer, and I can’t move. It’s like the air between us is sticky with invisible threads pulling me forward and locking me in place all at once.
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Chapter 77
TF27 Jun
“You think I haven’t felt this?” he murmurs, his voice low and almost…ashamed. “The pull? The bond? It’s constant, Elvira, it makes everything louder. Brighter. More unbearable.”
His hand lifts, and for a wild moment, I think he’s going to touch my face. But that would be cray. He isn’t THAT passionate. Like, I wish he were, I WANT a mate who is crazy about me, but that isn’t Cedar.
Still, I listen to him.
“And yet,” he continues, “I can’t trust it. I’ve been manipulated before. Hell, Mara is manipulating me now. I’m being used and I know it. And this mate bond? We might be fated, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.”
I blink. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I see you,” he says, voice softer now. “And I don’t hate what I see. But I don’t trust the mate bond. I… I’m not sure if I believe in it.”
My throat tightens. “You don’t believe in the mate bond?”
“No?” he breathes a laugh when I stare at him. “You act as if this surprises you when it is obvious you wouldn’t care for me without the mate bond tempering with your head. I’m not your type, and suddenly you kiss me? Come on. Either you’re trying to seduce me to save your own skin, or the bond is at work here. Not what Elvira truly wants.”
“I’m not trying to seduce you, Cedar.”
“Liar.”
I wince. “Fine, I am a liar, but… I didn’t ask for this either.”
He nods. “I know.”
We stand there, a heartbeat apart, silence spinning between us.
“I don’t want to be your enemy,” I finally whisper. “But I want Eden to trust me again. I want to make up for what I did. If you’re her enemy, then you’re also my enemy. Even if you’re my mate.”
“You’re a better friend than I am,” he says. “And I don’t want to be your enemy either.”
My heart stutters. Something about his admission feels real. Not romantic. Not passionate. But honest. Like a seed being planted.
I take a step back, letting space breathe between us again. “Then let me help. I saw what you’re hiding in that orb, and we should tell Eden-”
“You won’t tell her a thing.”
His tone is final, but not cruel.
Still, I glare at him. “I’m not going to keep secrets from her.”
“So you’re going to tell her?”
“Yes.”
Cedar glares right back at me, but doesn’t stop me when I walk up the stairs. He doesn’t call after me or ask me to stay. But just before I open the door, I glance back.
He’s still standing there and watching me.
And for the first time, it hits me that we are both terrified of this bond. Of what it is doing to our heads.
Later that night, I can’t sleep. I lie on my side in Eden’s bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Her soft breathing is steady beside me, finally at peace after training. I was going to tell her about Cedar, but I never got the chance.
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13:18 Fri 27 Jun o
Jun OBJ
Chapter 77
I need to tell her tomorrow.
Now, I need to rest.
But my heart is still racing. From the kiss. From Cedar’s voice. From the moment he said he was waiting for me.
What did the idiot mean? Does he want me to do something? Or is he just stalling before he betrays us all?
I think about his voice, how it softened when he said he didn’t hate what he saw. How his eyes flickered like he wasn’t used to being vulnerable, like he hated even admitting he felt something. I keep replaying that moment. Of how close we stood. The heat between us, and how neither of us backed away.
Moon goddess help me, I want to believe he’s more than just Mara’s spy. That maybe, just maybe, there’s a version of Cedar who could care about something. About someone. About me.
But I don’t know him well enough to be sure. And that hurts. Cedar is my mate, and I can pretend all that I want that I don’t like him, but my whole being craves him. My wolf is longing for her companion. The partner made for me. For us.
Why did he have to be high–fae, though? Not even a cute one, but a treacherous, confusing one.
I close my eyes and whisper a silent prayer that tomorrow, everything will be clearer, but I know things are only going to get messier.
AD
